C Jane

Remember

2010-09-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

"Somebody bombed the World Trade Center."

Like so many of you, I'll remember those words for the rest of my life. Ironically, I was giving a workshop on diversity on September 11, 2001. My students and I had been in training since 8 am, discussing tolerance and understanding in the workplace, oblivious to the events that were tragically unfolding around us.

Shortly after 10:00 am, we took our first break. As I worked through the break to prepare for the next part of my lesson, I noticed students were slow to return to their seats -- and I wondered why. Finally, a young man from the back of the room said the words I'll never forget:

"Somebody bombed the World Trade Center. The towers have collapsed."

"What?" I said aloud. In my mind I was convinced this man must be mistaken. My son and I had just visited the World Trade Center earlier that year. We sat at its' base, our heads back -- full tilt -- gazing up at the enormity of these two giant towers while enjoying the buzz of the hundreds of people whirling around us. My mind went back to the 1993 truck bomb attack of the Trade Center, convinced that this recent event was similar to that. Surely there was no way these buildings could come down. I asked my students to begin their assigned activity while I went to investigate.

When I walked outside my room, I found televisions pulled out into the hallway of the college with people gathered around them -- faces stunned by what they were witnessing. It was live chaos on a 27 inch screen. Footage of the second plane hitting the building, the towers collapsing, the Pentagon hit -- and now breaking news that United Airlines Flight 93 had crashed in a field outside of Pittsburgh. I stood paralyzed by the shock and awe of what I too was seeing and hearing.

And then I remembered. My always-traveling-husband had left for a business trip earlier that morning -- bound for New York City. In a split second, the wave of terror suffocated me. "Oh my God! My husband!" I shouted out as I ran to my car. Trembling, I hastily searched for my phone, turned it on and yelled for it to hurry and power up. Suddenly the beeps signaling missed calls rang one after another. Impatiently, I listened through the voicemails hoping to hear my husband's voice......"Cindy call me. Is Lew ok? Do you know what's going on?" said my friend. "Cindy, have you heard about what's happening in New York City? Have you heard from Lew?" said my sister. "Cindy! Deb said Lew flew into New York this morning. I just hope he's okay. Call me," said my mom in a tearful voice. And finally: "Cindy, I'm okay. It's crazy here. I don't know if I'll have cell service for long. I've talked to Rebecca and she's okay. I'm worried about Mike in Philadelphia. I don't know what's going on -- they're attacking everything. Call me back. Hopefully you'll be able to get through. I love you," said my husband.

With relief, I broke down and cried. And then I prayed, thankful for God's protection over him....asking for protection for our daughter who lived in Manhattan and for our son who was at school in Philadelphia -- worried that his city, a symbol of our nation's freedom, would also be on the hit list of whoever was attacking us. I prayed for all who who shared my fears -- but may never get to hear their loved ones' voices again.

As the frightening day unfolded, I learned my husband's plane had been ordered to stay in the sky -- most likely until officials could ensure it too was not on a deadly mission. While circling, he saw both towers on fire and suspected the worst. But even the plotlines from his oft-read Tom Clancy novels could not have predicted the reality of New York City that day. It was bedlam.

Evil attempted to rule the day -- but goodness triumphed. On that day, we were united as a nation. We came together as Americans -- not separated by political party, race, religion, economic status, gender, age, or culture. For a day -- and for many that followed -- we were human beings who helped one another. Good men and women sacrificing their time, their money, their talent, their sweat and tears -- and even their lives -- to help strangers in need.

With hotels filled and subways, trains, buses, car rentals, and now the airport shut down, my husband's only hope for refuge came from the kindness of a taxi-cab driver who opened his door and offered to drive him through chaotic, jammed-up traffic to his uncle's home in Long Island. After several hours together, he dropped my husband off at his destination -- and refused to charge him a fare. Wow.

Today, a mere nine years separates us from the events of that day -- yet, sadly, our country finds itself divided again. Perhaps you'll share my prayer and hope on this anniversary -- for each of us to remember what a difference Tuesday, September 11, 2001 made and to embrace the perspective it gave us......once again.

The Difference a Day Made

On Monday there were people fighting against praying in schools:

On Tuesday you would have been hard pressed to find a school where someone was not praying.

On Monday there were people trying to separate each other by race, sex, color, and creed:

On Tuesday they were all holding hands.

On Monday we thought that we were secure:

On Tuesday we learned better.

On Monday we were talking about heroes as being athletes:

On Tuesday we relearned what hero meant.

On Monday people went to work at the world trade centers as usual:

On Tuesday they died.

On Monday people were fighting the 10 commandments on government property:

On Tuesday the same people all said, "God help us all" while thinking, "Thou shalt not kill."

On Monday people argued with their kids about picking up their room:

On Tuesday the same people could not get home fast enough to hug their kids.

On Monday people picked up McDonalds for dinner:

On Tuesday they stayed home.

On Monday people were upset that their dry cleaning was not ready on time:

On Tuesday they were lining up to give blood for the dying.

On Monday politicians argued about budget surpluses:

On Tuesday grief stricken they sang "God Bless America."

On Monday we worried about the traffic and getting to work late:

On Tuesday we worried about a plane crashing into your house or place of business.

On Monday some children had solid families:

On Tuesday they were orphans.

On Monday the president was going to Florida to read to children:

On Tuesday he returned to Washington to protect our children.

On Monday we emailed jokes:

On Tuesday we did not.

It is sadly ironic how it takes horrific events to place things into perspective, but it has. The lessons learned this week, the things we have taken for granted, the things that have been forgotten or overlooked, hopefully will never be forgotten again.

~ Author Unknown

The video below was created to remember the events of September 11, 2001. It opened a women's conference I spoke at honoring women who stepped up to make a difference for people impacted by that day.

Help Them Fly

2010-08-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

"Time for me to fly,

I've got to set myself free.

Time for me to fly,

that's just how its' got to be.

I know it hurts to say goodbye,

but it's time for me to fly."

-- REO Speedwagon

The bird's nest outside my office window is empty now. For the past several weeks, I've watched as the mama bird created the nest, straw by straw, and sat patiently while laying and nurturing her eggs until they hatched.....three baby birds, helpless in their nest, depending on their mama to help them grow until one day they can fly off on their own. And today, they were gone.

Sweet irony. So many moms I know are seeing their babies leave the nest too -- and struggling with the bittersweet goodbye. Somehow 18 years just doesn't seem enough. Being a mom is a big part of who we are. Just like the baby birds who sat for hours with mouths wide open, waiting for mom to bring back the morsels that would help them grow, our children too depended on us. After all, we had the magic eyes to find their lost favorite shirt, the hugs to soothe their hurts, the wisdom to nurture their spirit, and the smile to reassure them that, no matter what life dealt, mom will always love them and be their number one fan. They kept returning home to us until that day.....that wonderful, yet difficult day when nature tells them, just as it does little birds, that it's time to fly away.

Some joke that God designed the challenging teen years to make it easier for moms to face this day and accept letting go. Haha -- no doubt this does help! (Thanks God.) But no matter how ready we think we are to say goodbye, when the moment comes, the memories of our baby sons and daughters flood back in and we wonder how the years went by so quickly.

When my now 24-year-old son was visiting colleges in his senior year of high school, I wrote the following while dining solo, waiting for him to return from a student experience:

I sit alone with Bad Company entertaining me,

while my baby test drives his new life.

Dorm rooms, dining halls, hangin' with friends

in a place so foreign yet so wonderful

-- on the brink of possibilities,

on the edge of the unlimited.

Will it be here he meets his wife, his muse, his destiny?

I sit alone and proud,

reflecting on the life of my son.

The frame of a man he is,

but I see only my little boy.

I remember first smiles, first steps, first words.

I'm not ready for this, but he is.

Every moment of his life has prepared him for this.

Every tear. Every joy.

Every question. Every hug.

Every answer. Every ploy.

All journey to this moment -- stepping through the portal from boy to man.

I sit alone with joy.

"I love you Mom," he gently reminds me

-- the words of my baby, the voice of a man.

I sit alone in peace. Blessed by the life of my son.

Indeed, how lucky we are to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

If you're struggling with facing the empty (or emptier) nest as your kids leave for college or life on their own, I am confident it's because that nest was one heck of a lively, wonderful place to grow up -- because of you. So live in peace moms. Job well done.

With love,

Cindy

Photo above is my son Justin and I at one of his final college football games at Alfred University. I've learned to discover new joys by watching him fly........

Consider the Lilies

2010-08-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Shug: More than anything God love admiration. Celie: You saying God is vain?   Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it. --The Color Purple, by Alice Walker

I love road trips. I love them because I love seeing the beauty of the landscape...rolling hills and waterfalls and rock ledges and wildflowers. I just returned from yet another trip through the long state of Pennsylvania -- and I've driven these roads enough in the past year to see all four seasons unfold.   I'm convinced Alice Walker was right on in her book, The Color Purple -- God does dot the landscape of the world with the beauty of purple just to make us aware that He is in control. He wants to share good things with us and create beauty through us.

Like the seasons of the land, we too have times in our lives that are in full, colorful bloom -- and other times where our life's beauty lies dormant, covered by the harsh and bitter reality of our experiences. Just as in nature, we may wonder if we can survive the winters of our life. We grow weary of the cold and lifeless spirit it creates in us and often want to hibernate and shut ourselves off from the world.

And then we see it. A lavender crocus peeking through the snow. A purple pansy that survived the winter. Hope from the heavens spoken through a wildflower.  Simple blooms with a powerful message:

“Don’t worry about your life . . . consider the lilies and how they grow. They don’t fuss or work at their appearance, but have you ever seen such beauty? Even Solomon, in all his worldly glory and impressiveness, was not as beautiful as one of these. If God clothes a wildflower with incredible beauty, won’t He take care to do the same with you, His child?    (Luke 12)

A few years back, I helped to create a faith-based women's retreat based on the promise of this scripture. The 'Secrets of the Lily' retreat has now been held multiple times and I have had the privilege to meet so many women who have shared stories of finding eternal beauty in spite of, or perhaps because of, the winters of their life.  Their testimony of faith is a wonderful reminder and reassurance that God is real and He makes all things good -- even through the most difficult experiences of our lives.

He gives us the color purple in nature and, through His words, encourages us to consider the lilies....an intricate, beautiful flower He uses to remind us we are His highly adored children. And like every parent who loves their child, it is His desire for us to live a beautiful life -- one of abundant joy, praise, and gratitude -- and not anxiety, depression and misery.

I love the Nicole C. Mullen song 'Redeemer' that reminds us of this:

"The very same God that spins things in orbit, runs to the weary, the worn and the weak.
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken, they conquered death to bring me victory."

We would often close out the Lily Retreat with the video below highlighting Nicole's encouraging song, combined with beautiful photos and words of wisdom. If you are experiencing the winter of life right now, I pray it will encourage you to joyfully welcome a new, beautiful spring.

Much love,

Cindy

Taste Home

2010-07-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

It was just a simple magazine -- an old copy of a cooking magazine called Taste of Home. But the mere sight of it brought me to tears.

It must have been well over two years (ugh) since I last sorted my 'saved magazine' collection in the three-tiered basket bin of my family room. Today I finally got to it. A menial, unmemorable task to take care of -- until I stumbled upon that magazine.

It was my mom's. I remembered the day she let me borrow it. I had stopped over for a visit and browsed the magazine as we sat and chatted. She was fighting a nasty cough that wouldn't go away -- but as always, she was more interested in hearing about my family than talking about herself. So as we talked, I turned the pages and a recipe in the magazine caught my eye as a contender for dinner later that night. "Go ahead -- take it home with ya Cin. I could use one less magazine here anyway," she said with her signature giggle. Ok Mom, I will," was my reply. "But it's brand-new so I'll bring it back -- I just want this one recipe."

Two years later, there it was -- still in my bin. Yet another piece of unfinished business with my mom. The symbolism brought me to tears. So much had transpired since that visit two years ago. The cough, we would soon find out, was a result of cancer in her lungs that all too quickly would take her life. She too left unfinished business of her own: to see all her grandchildren graduate from high school or perhaps one day dance at their wedding or hold each and every great grandchild.

In my sorrow, I picked it up and clung to it, closing my eyes to relive the ordinary, yet precious visit I had that day with my mom. Those simple moments are what I miss the most. I think they're what we all miss the most when we have to say goodbye to those we love -- whether through death, divorce, growing up, or moving away. The sound of their laughter. The look in their eyes when their face wears a smile. The scent of their perfume, cologne or freshly laundered clothes. The warm embrace of their hugs. The sound of their little -- or big -- steps shuffling across the floor. The aroma of their home-made sugar cookies baking in the oven. The taste of summer potato salad or Thanksgiving stuffing like only moms can make. That one-of-a-kind taste of home.

I praise God for turning my mundane task of sorting magazines into a mother and child reunion. He gently reminds me that when the absence of her seems too great to bear, I can merely close my eyes and she comes back to me. In the past year since she's been gone, doing that has comforted me greatly. God just seems to magnify my five senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste to make the experience so real.

Now, understandably, if you've never lost someone close, you may think this is a nutty thing to do (and maybe think that I'm even nuttier.) But if you have -- and regrettably, we all come to that point where we have -- well, then you know just how powerful closing your eyes to relive memories can be. I'm confident it's God's way of keeping special people with us forever so that we can always....taste home.

I love you Mom. And I miss you lots.

-- Cindy

Photo above is of my parents enjoying a Happy Meal in McDonald's Playland with their youngest granddaughter....aah, every meal together with Mom was a Happy Meal :)

Believe Again

2010-06-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the girl, who'll decide where to go.” (Dr. Suess)

I love this time of year because it always takes me back to being 18 at high school graduation, standing on the brink of possibilities. More than any other time in our lives, graduating from high school is the moment we step through the portal from girl to woman or boy to man. It is here we truly begin the journey towards becoming who we will be.

In today's world, Facebook has allowed all of us to read the final goodbyes of graduates once written only on the pages of their senior yearbooks. And with each 'goodbye' and 'game over' post I read, I can't help but be taken back to 1982, remembering hugs, smiles, and tears shed as I exited CCS for the final time, accompanied by the prophetic lyrics and haunting chords of Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird.

I think of how I too made pinky-swear promises to my very best friends to always stay close, no matter where life would take us. Three decades later we regretably discovered that, even with the best intentions, 'best friends forever' was a promise difficult to keep. But now is not the time for Oh-Ten graduates to hear that. Today is their time to shine. Their energy, their awe, their excitement for what could be, their curiosity for learning and discovering and their intent on changing the world around them is exactly the prescription for what will. Today they believe anything is possible and THANK GOD FOR THAT. For it is their belief that renews our belief, inspiring us to have hope and the courage to believe again.

Congratulations Class of 2010, in particular to my Facebook friends Isabella, Jaclyn, Chuck and Chris. A friend recently sent me the poem below which I dedicate to each of you. Suck the marrow out of this life of yours and enjoy every minutes of your days ahead -- just as you did the days now behind you. Make life a slow dance....and you'll have a blast. :)

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,

or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,

or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,

time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,

when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,

with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,

time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,

and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,

'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,

time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,

you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,

hear the music before the song is over.

(Written by David L. Weatherford)

Listen

2010-06-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

"A wise old owl sat in an oak. The more he heard the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. The more he heard, the more he learned. Now wasn't he a wise old bird?"

Legendary basketball coach and leadership icon, John Wooden, who recently passed away at age 99, would often share the homily above, learned in grade school, when asked why more people weren't better leaders. "They don't listen," Wooden would say. "Listening is the best way to learn. You have to listen to those you are supervising."

The number one request I get for workplace training is repeatedly to 'help us improve how we communicate.' It stands to reason. Communication is arguably the most important skill in life. Just think of how many hours we spend communicating through reading, writing, speaking or listening. And of these top four ways we communicate, Wooden, and scores of others, rank listening as the #1 key to our effectiveness as a communicator.

Yet, if you're like me, your grade school lessons on listening weren't quite as inspiring as little John Wooden's. Mine were more like: "Cindy! Sit down, shut up and listen!" (Followed by once having to teach the math lesson because my incessant chatter apparently communicated that I knew more about pi than Mr. Chilson did.)

Yes, hour upon hour was devoted in elementary school, high school and college to teaching us how to write, read, and speak. But I can't remember one lesson on how to listen. Listening beyond just hearing; beyond just listening long enough so I can tell you what I think when you shut up. I mean listening in a way that will help me to better understand you first -- before I ever begin to get you to understand me.

Author Stephen Covey calls it empathetic listening. In his best selling book, 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', he recommends we listen not only with our ears -- but also with our eyes and our hearts. We must listen for feeling and for meaning. We must listen for behavior. We must sense and feel the person we're listening to. Because when we listen like this, we open ourselves to a deeper understanding of life from the point of view of those we're listening to. In a sense, we put on their glasses and see life through their eyes. And only then, when we've allowed their perspective to influence us, do we have any shot at influencing them. That's why it's such a critical skill for leadership success. You want to improve how you communicate? Widen your influence as a leader? Start by improving how you listen.

I have begun to be more purposeful in applying this prescription to my own life. Because I make my living teaching others, it becomes especially frustrating when my own son doesn't do what I say -- and I teach him for free! Indeed, it is a humbling experience when you're hired to help change behaviors in workplaces and can't seem to change some of the behaviors in your own household.

So I took Mr. Wooden's, Mr. Covey's, and even my math teacher Mr. Chilson's, advice. I SHUT UP and started to listen. My first experiment came when helping my son move into a new college apartment and I listened to the music pouring from his stereo. Gulp. (Note to self: you're just listening Cindy, not speaking!)

I soon realized I needed to turn off my ears and start listening with my eyes. I saw no refrigerator or stove...but there was a vacuum! And good lord, it had been used! I saw food organized in the cupboards, clothes hung neatly in the closet, shoes precisely lined up on the floor, and a roll of paper towels IN ITS HOLDER. When I asked to use a pair of scissors, I heard 'second drawer down in the kitchen' and sure enough, there they were! Right beside loads of other tools he had purposely placed in that drawer.

And when I turned the corner, I listened with my heart. There before me was a bed he had made up for guests. The bed linens neatly pulled across the mattress, not a wrinkle in sight; an extra blanket perfectly folded at the foot of the bed; two pillows propped up at the head, and centered in front of them, was an accent pillow shaped like a football, taken from his bedroom at home. Despite my millions of previous attempts to stand over my son and demand he 'pick up this room and make your bed,' it never once looked as beautiful as this.

Like the businesses who come to me, my personal hope on the homefront has been to improve how I communicate with my son. My effectiveness took a big leap forward when I started to listen.

What I heard with my eyes and my heart were far more powerful than what I could ever hear with my ears. I heard a son who said "I love you Mom," through the smile on his face after seeing me smile at the sight of his bed -- and his organized apartment. Not a word was spoken. But for the first time in a very long time, we heard each other loud and clear.

On Vacation

2010-06-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

Aaahhh sweet vacation. It's not until you return from one that you realize just what a necessity they are.

I recently finished an oh-too-brief pampered vacation to the beautiful azure waters of the Carribbean.
Ever since my first visit over two decades ago, I've made return trips a gotta-have expense in my budget. There's just something about those white sandy beaches, crystal blue waters, and endless sunshine that recharges my batteries like no other place on earth can do. It's a sight for sore eyes -- and a worn-out, weary spirit.

This time down, the real luxury was bringing our family with us. In today's world, kids grow up and move beyond their hometowns, making time together a rare gift. This is certainly true for our family. So we traveled from Chicago, Philadelphia, Hoboken, Brooklyn, Fort Lauderdale, Boynton Beach and Bemus Point just to share a few meals and fancy cocktails and precious conversation. Dipping our feet into sandy beaches and clear waters while soaking in the radiant sunshine made it that much better.

A trip like this doesn't happen on a whim -- it takes months of planning (and saving!) to bring so many together for a few days of fun. But it is so worth it. The memories truly last a lifetime; the photographs instantly recall the smiles; and the joy creates the 'worth it' that gives reason to plan again.

THIS to me is living. It's for times like these that we all work so hard. It's why we spend years on education to create better lives for ourselves and our families. It's why we teach our kids to love spending time with one another. Just for moments like this. To raise a glass and toast birthdays and anniversaries and graduations. To hear how their jobs are going and share wisdom and advice. To commiserate over stretch marks and bathing suits and really white bodies while laughing over drink carriers and towel animals and 'oh-he-was-terrible' karaoke.

Some often question the price of a family vacation; the financial price, the time-away-from-work price, the I-have-too-much-to-do-to-take-a-vacation price. Sadly, I have met too many who rarely -- or never -- have taken a vacation. But I have always believed differently. I believe you can't afford not to take a vacation. It revives you, inspires you, re-focuses you, and renews relationships with those you love most.

At the end of my life and yours, it will be the family vacation pics and the memories they represent that will give comfort and smiles from a life well lived -- not the promotions or the salary or the big projects of our work. It will be the seashell held to my ear that will help me best recall the sounds, scents, and sights of the places I loved most -- shared with the people I love most. It is our family and friends, after all, who, every once in a while, help us unplug from this busy, crazy, hooked-up-24/7 life of ours to remind us just what we're living for.

Get Mean

2010-05-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I chuckle at all those Facebook status postings stating 'today is son or daughter week,' encouraging us to express, in essence, how wonderful our children are. I laugh because there are days when my little angels are more like little devils and I'd rather strangle them than laud praise on them. (Ummm, should I admit this publicly?)

Let me be clear. I love and am blessed by my kids. I also admit I have struggled with understanding or accepting some of their choices. I get that it has always been a rite of passage, generation after generation, for kids to rebel against parental boundaries and find their own way -- mistakes and all.  Believe me, I did it too. But I'm not sure it has ever been easier, than now, to do so.

Music, movies, television, internet, texting, facebook, etc. endorse such widely opposing views and values. Collectively they make society's message clear to both kids and parents: 'Get with it Mom and Dad...today, anything goes.'   The current real-time technology -- the stuff we often buy them -- even puts that message right into their hands and laps.....all in the privacy of the very homes we create to protect them. Is it any wonder then, that raising young men and women of good moral character and integrity has become such a battle? To cite a good old country song, 'when anything goes, then everything goes."

What's the answer? I'm convinced love, boundaries, modeling the behavior we expect our kids to follow -- mixed with heavy doses of prayer (hey God, I admit I can't do this by myself!) -- will help win the war. Even if it takes a little longer than we hoped it would.   At times, we must put aside the praise, the stuff we buy them, and the all-out effort to 'make them happy' -- and just GET MEAN -- with hopes that one day, they'll understand it was the greatest expression of love we could ever give them.

Here's an excellent description, from an unkown author, of how to 'get mean:'

Loved by a Mean Mom:

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16 .

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

Now encourage others...PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MEAN MOTHERS YOU KNOW.

Think Like a Champion

2010-03-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

I admit it. I'm a cheerleader.

Those who know me know I am an avid fan of my sons' high school and college sports teams as evidenced by my zeal in creating websites, videos, books, posters, Facebook pages and online stores full of fan gear; helping with pep rallies and fundraisers and tailgates..... and loving every minute of it. (Which is why I can't stop helping my favorite teams even after my sons have graduated.)

Now before you tell me to get a life (ok, I probably should), please remember I make my living as a motivational speaker and teacher, so come on, whadya expect? :) This is what I know how to do (and believe me, my family would say you wouldn't want me volunteering to cook for the team dinner.)

I have a very strong belief that 'talent + teamwork + passion' is the recipe for exceptional success in life -- whether it's on the gridiron, in the workplace, or in our homes. And I've taken the opportunity of using sports to teach that to my sons. Turns out their high school, home of the Maple Grove Red Dragons, is an excellent example of how this formula works.

When I played high school sports, I remember our team goal was to win our division at the local level. There wasn't much talk of going any farther. After all, this wasn't the movies. We were just a small school in a small town hoping for a division championship and some hardware for our trophy case. If it happened we went further, great.....we were lucky. But it certainly wasn't what we set our minds on.

Fast forward to my sons' high school teams. They too are a small school in a small town. But they think differently. They think BIG. They have what Steven K. Scott describes in his best selling book, 'Simple Steps to Impossible Dreams' as 'Babe Ruth Power.'

Scott's theory is that most goal-setting programs we use for professional and personal goals have one severe limitation: they encourage us to set goals that are 'reasonable and achievable.' To achieve our dreams, we must think differently -- like Babe Ruth did. He didn't step up to the plate hoping for a walk or a single. Instead, he pursued one goal every time he stepped up to bat: hit a homerun. His 'shoot for the moon and not the reasonable and achievable' mindset made all the difference -- and elevated him from just another ball player to the champion baseball legend we still talk about today -- eight decades later.

It's that kind of thinking that exists at Maple Grove. I've seen Coach Curt Fischer encourage his players to think like champions -- and in doing so, prepare and practice and play like champions. Going all the way to states is the goal every season. And in my opinion, it has made all the difference. Just look at his results: he twice led his team to football state titles and numerous division championships. He assisted in coaching the school's team to a state title for baseball. And this coming Friday, his boys' basketball team will make their third consecutive trip to the New York State Final Four Championships, where they hope to capture the state trophy as they did under Fischer's reign in 2008. Impressive achievements in coaching multiple sports over a decade tells us all he has found a winning combination.

Somebody once asked me what I felt that combination was. I'm convinced it's the Babe Ruth Power mindset combined with the 'talent + team + passion = exceptional success' formula. Players and coaches are committed to developing their raw talent; the teams play together in the on/off season (on both structured teams and informal pick-up games in parks, driveways & back yards); their legion of fans and the support they give -- yes, even those Dragon Mom cheerleaders -- is an integral part of the team dynamic; and together, this whole team really, really loves (I call that passion) what they do and prides themselves on being the best. So much so that they practice all hours of the day and night, alter work schedules for coaching commitments, paint their bodies black and red, cook vats of homemade sauce and meatballs for team dinners, travel hundreds of miles to cheer their team on, or spend hours creating websites and movies.

And perhaps senior leader Chris Secky explained 'Babe Ruth Power' best while reflecting on his team's recent win that put them back at the state final four: "You’ve got to come out and think nobody can stop you. It might sound cocky or a little overconfident, but if you don’t have that mindset you’re not going to do well. I came out and was like, ‘there’s nobody that’s going to stop me. There’s nobody that’s going to deny me a chance to go to Glens Falls.’ (Is there any question, that with a personal philosophy like that, Chris is arguably the best all-around athlete in school history?)

And while thinking like a champion can, and does, bring the typical rewards of excellence -- titles, rings, patches, headlines, and bigger hardware in the trophy case -- it also put dozens of Dragon alumni into college sports and academic programs, bringing them scholarships and opportunities and the confidence and determination to also live their life with the mindset to 'think like a champion.'

Indeed, the 'talent + team + passion = exceptional success' formula works beautifully outside of sports too.

-- Cindy

Post-script: The Maple Grove Red Dragons went on to win the 2010 New York Class D Boys Basketball State Championship, defeating the state's first and second ranked teams to do so. It is their third state basketball title in school history; their second in the past three years. Tournament MVP Chris Secky ended his high school basketball career with 2,067 points -- the same number of points as former New York high school player and NBA legend Kareem Abdul Jabaar had in his high school career. Congratulations to Chris, Coach Fischer, and the entire Maple Grove Red Dragons. The way you live out the 'talent+team+passion' formula inspires us all.

Celebrate Moms

2010-03-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

Hooray for Sandra Bullock.

Her moving performance in 'The Blind Side' as a mom who welcomes a homeless teen into her family, won the Oscar for best actress. Her acceptance speech, dedicated to 'moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from,' won our hearts.

The movie's storyline was especially touching to me. My husband, a native of New York City, faithfully purchases The New York Times every Sunday. On one such Sunday in 2006, I happened to take notice of their magazine supplement. It pictured a young man who had gone from anonymity to the number one offensive lineman college recruit almost overnight. Because our son Justin was a college offensive lineman, and the same age as the boy in the story, I was eager to read more about this young man in hopes his story might offer my son some tips.

But what I read about was so much greater than improving football strategy. Michael Oher, the gentle giant who was the focus of the article, had overcome more than opponents' defensive lines. His resolve to protect his quarterback's blind side was strengthened more in the arena of life than it ever was in the weight room. His amazing story of going from homeless and family-less to the #1 college recruit at his position -- and eventually to the NFL -- had a Hollywood ending in large part, because a mom, and her entire family, took a step of faith to make a difference in his life. Leigh Anne Toughy, the mom Sandra Bullock so powerfully portrayed, knew she had the means to do something to help this young man in need and make a difference in his life. More importantly, she acted on it. She and her family adopted Mike and together they encouraged, supported, and nurtured him to become the young man whose life story I was now reading about.

The article immediately resonated with me. Our family shared a similar experience when our youngest son Antoine, now 19, became part of our family at age 12. When I learned Michael Oher's story had been made into a movie, I asked my son for a date so we could watch the movie together. I cried the whole way through. There were so many similarities; so many ways I saw our own family's story being played out on that screen; so many prayers being prayed as I sat in that theater asking God to let Hollywood speak to my son so that he would understand our rules, our standards and our love for him were there to protect his 'blind side' -- all those difficult life experiences that kids don't see coming but parents know can all too easily knock them down or forever alter this game we call life.

One of my favorite scenes was when Bullock prepared a Thanksgiving feast for her family and they proceeded to each pile their plates full of food, then plop themselves down in front of the television to watch turkey-day football.

At this point my son leans over to me to say, "See? That mom doesn't make them turn off the tv and eat at the table." (A reference to our house rules at dinner time: no tv, we eat together at the table, and we hold hands and say prayer before the first bite is taken.)

Then, as if on my perfect cue, Bullock looks at her family in the living room, then back at Michael who is eating his first Thanksgiving meal at the table all by himself. She knows what she has to do -- and promptly picks up the remote, turns off the tv and yells to her family, "Ya'll sit down at the table!" Then she leads a thanksgiving prayer.....making them all hold hands.

Aaahh....sweet vindication. (Followed by a gentle elbow nudge, glaring stare and smirk to my son.)

Wouldn't it be wonderful if real life was always as beautiful and as easy and had a storybook ending like it does in the movies? The real 'moms [and dads] that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from' know parenting takes hard work, commitment, and sometimes all the strength one can muster in a day. And admittedly, on some days, our mistakes leave us feeling more like the monster mother portrayed by the best-supporting actress winner MoNique than the courageous and determined mother portrayed by Bullock. (But I'm betting that the real Leigh Anne Toughy had days like those too.)

Congratulations Sandra Bullock for an award well-deserved. Your portrayal of a mother who loves her son, regardless of how - or at what age - he came to her, is a win for every mother out there who does the same.

God continues to direct the unfinished scripts of our children -- and I'm so thankful that he does. Perhaps one day they'll also make it to the pros in their chosen field or have their life stories made into Oscar worthy films. Or maybe, they'll simply, and wonderfully, love their own children in a way that brings their family together at the dinner table, holding hands and giving thanks for all the blessings they have......just like their moms taught them to do.

-- Cindy

Did you know that New York State alone has over 350 children waiting to be adopted? If you have room in your heart and your home, please consider foster parenting or adoption. Older children especially are in need of your love. Contact https://apps.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/Search/Demographic.aspx for more information and to see the directory of children who are waiting to be adopted.

Photo above is of me and two of my sons: Antoine, our youngest, at left and Justin, our middle son, at right. It was taken at Syracuse University's Carrier Dome following Antoine's 2008 New York State High School Football Championship. His team had one of the most dominating seasons ever in NY high school football. It followed an '08 state basketball championship he was also a part of. (Both sons played offensive line on their football teams. Gotta love that O-Line.)

Thank you Antoine, Justin, Mike and Rebecca...for being great kids and making a difference in the lives of your parents.

Get Started

2010-03-05T11:25:00.000-08:00

Oh cabin fever. If you live in the North, it's probably long set in by now. Frigid temps, record snowfalls, scraping, shoveling, and bundling up makes one just want to stay in the comforts of home.....until boredom sets in and you just gotta break free and get on out.

So I did. Last week I took this 'feeling-every-bit-of-over-40' body down the ski slopes for the first time in a while, and I have to admit I said a little 'thank you God' when I made it down. Once I got my confidence back, I began to focus on the beauty of a wintry snowfall and the joy that playing outside with friends still brings. It just seems to get sweeter with age to brave the elements and the hillside and have a blast doing so.

It wasn't until a bit later in life that I learned to ski. Me ski? You mean go down a steep, snowy hill standing up? Are you kidding me? At 35, I thought I was way too old to learn something so daring. Thankfully my son, and later my friends, assured me I could -- and what a boost to the old self-esteem to conquer something you never thought you could.....or would.

Life has taught me that the best prescription for cabin fever, mid-life fever, stuck-in-a-rut fever -- or whatever else you want to call it -- is to get started on doing something new, something that's a bit of a stretch, something you may have never seen yourself being able to accomplish. There's a beautiful boost that comes from being bold and brave and open to new possibilities -- and then going for it.

Achievement and accomplishment is often as simple as just getting started -- so many times, that is the hardest part. We think and worry and plan and analyze -- until it stops us in our tracks and prevents us from doing it. Before you know it, we look back and say coulda, woulda, shoulda, meant to ........ but didn't.

After all, what if I fail? Fugheddaboudit. Fear of failure is one of the most crippling mindsets there is. I've certainly learned this on my own and by observing the lives of others. Sure, everything you try may not work out the way you dreamed it -- but oh the power and confidence and joy that comes from the attempt! As a grown woman, I also once tried figure skating.......I so wanted to skate like Dorothy Hamill. (After all, we did once share the same hairstyle.) So I got started with lessons and after the fourth time falling hard on the ice, decided it wasn't meant to be for me......but oh the laughs I still get from remembering the experience!

Learning doesn't end with high school or college. New joys and hobbies and renewal can be found in our middle-age and retirement years as easily as we found them in our teens and twenties. Oprah Winfrey was reminded of this by Jerry Seinfeld. Following an interview with Seinfeld some years ago, she found herself complaining to him about the end of summer and the need for some time for herself before going back to the confinement of her television schedule. Jerry reminded her, “It’s yours to design, Oprah," -- an 'aha' moment that led to the decision to end her show. Yes, even Oprah relies on the wisdom of friends to remind her that she alone holds the power to try something new.

The level of joy, energy, passion, fun, or engagement we have in this life of ours is up to us. "It's ours to design." We just simply need to get started.

-- Cindy

Photos are from two girlfriend ski groups -- top is the annual Holiday Valley getaway trip and bottom is the Holimont Ladies Day; great fun and memories from both. Thanks friends!

Have Some Fun

2010-02-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

Life is stressful.

Stress caused by home or work impacts us big time. Some studies predict 75-90% of visits to healthcare providers are due to stress-related conditions. A study by Catalyst, an organization dedicated to expanding opportunities for women and business, puts the cost of workplace stress between $50 - $300 billion annually in healthcare and lost productivity.

Think about it: if we're heavily stressed, we typically make more mistakes, have trouble concentrating, become disorganized, angry or just stop caring. A Wall Street Journal survey reports that one third of people even considered quitting their jobs because of stress and 14 percent actually did.

In today's world we've got lots to worry about. Changes in workplace procedures are happening more rapidly than at any other time in history. Add to that the 'information age' moving everything at a faster pace and keeping us connected 24/7. Technology and a global marketplace have contributed to downsizing and leaner workplaces which brings on stress from uncertainty and added changes for all.

Those who stay are rewarded with added work hours -- the equivalent of a 13th month every year -- along with new responsibilities and retraining. Those let go face an uncertain future and all the problems that go with it, while searching for work in one of the worst job markets of our time.

The Girlfriend Getaway Mascots: One look at this photo instantly recalls great memories and a secret language only girlfriends can decode.

For women, who by many measures continue to be responsible for the majority of tasks at home, the 5 o'clock whistle offers little relief. So what's a girl gotta do to restore her sanity?

Girlfriend, have some fun.

That's right. Women today, perhaps due to their increased education, status in the workplace, power of their own purse -- or just simple stress overload -- are moving beyond 'Calgon, take me away' to creating a full blown industry that caters to all the pampering a woman needs to renew her energy and restore enthusiasm to face yet another Monday morning. (Although bubble baths still work too.)

Spa retreats, worldwide travel, whitewater rafting or rock climbing, girls' nights out (or in), crafty classes, girlfriend getaways -- you name it, chicks are doing it -- and in the process are learning to love life again.

My own girlfriends and I just returned from an adventure of our own, where I tried out an 'oxygen bar' and a cocktail of 'liquid oxygen' (plant chlorophyll mixed with water). We came back refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on our lives again. (We also noted that Ellicottville, NY, a ski town we've been holding our winter girlfriend gatherings in for over a decade, has responded to the trend with an annual women's weekend event and accommodations that cater to women only travelers.)

Does stress have you in its hold? Then go have some fun. Decide what makes you smile, then find some friends who might need to smile too. Schedule some fun together on your calendar -- for an hour, a weekend or a full vacation trip.

Having fun with friends is today's version of 'mother's little helper.' Except this time around, it's more likely to be a little yellow tattoo applied in the company of friends that has you smiling -- and not the little yellow pill the Rolling Stones prescribed.

Need a night out with the girls? Join me at the Riverwalk Center in Jamestown, New York this Thursday (2/25) from 4:30 pm - 7:30 pm for the Women's Wellness and Fashion Event. (Admission is free.) I will be speaking on the Healing Power of Friendship. Click for more information.

And be sure to visit GirlfriendGatherings.com for more ideas for connecting with the girls.

Live By Faith

2010-02-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sometime in the summer of 2008 (it all seems such a blur now), I received the difficult news that my mom, the rock of our family, had lung cancer. It seemed so unfair. She wasn't a smoker nor did she grow up in a household that was. So how then does a nagging cough turn into such a diagnosis?

My family was thankful when doctors assured us that surgery would remove it all and chemotherapy would be a preventive measure to reduce the chances of reoccurrence. But just three months following surgery -- during Christmas week, Mom's favorite time of the year -- a new scan would reveal a much darker diagnosis: the cancer, thought to be fully removed, had reappeared -- this time in both lungs. From stage 1 we thought had been remedied, to stage 4 for which there was no cure. The news pierced our hearts and minds as my siblings and I sobbed in disbelief. No! How could this be? We were devastated, shocked, and numb.

Yet there sat my mom -- hearing news that would all too soon take her life -- giving comfort and reassurance to her children, with a smile and a promise that 'it'll be okay.'

Such was the way my mother, Sylvia Joy, lived her life. For all of my growing up years, she was a single mom of six children, the youngest two twins. We were five girls and one boy loved by a woman whose life philosophy was as simple as her middle name: Joy. Birthdays, holidays, winter, summer, spring, and fall celebrated with creativity and laughter and all the fanfare a shoe-string budget could afford.

My mom did not have an easy life. As you can imagine, raising six kids on her own was a challenge all to itself. Add to that other life experiences that could have -- and perhaps should have -- robbed her of joy. And now a diagnosis of a cancer that seemed so senseless and unfair, certainly should have sealed the deal. How can anybody be joyful through cancer? Mom found a way.

I admit I often wanted to sit and cry with her and hate on this disease -- unleashing a tirade on somebody or something to get even for what she was going through. But that was never her desire. It just wasn't her way.

Many people wondered where her source of joy came from -- and she was always eager to let them know: it was her faith. Faith in a God that was by her side through every storm of her life. Faith modeled for her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren -- in hopes they too would live accordingly. She repeatedly told others that her grandson Gabe reminded her of Matthew 6 scripture that said: 'who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life' -- and she clung to those words throughout her battle with terminal cancer -- often saying, "God knows the exact length of my time on earth -- and I'm not going to add or subtract one minute to his timing by worrying about it."

That was Mom. She chose joy over worry. She refused to think about death and instead made the most of each day she had to live. And she put her faith in a God she knew would take care of her.

When she passed, wonderfully surrounded by family, prayers, and singing of hymns, we did the usual searching for what we wanted her to wear in the casket that truly represented her best. For many years she wore the watch pendant necklace her great granddaughter is grabbing in the photo at left. She always had that thing on. But a few months before she died, the battery gave out on it and she didn't get a chance to replace it. So my sister searched her jewelry drawer so we could include it with what she would wear for the funeral.

When she found it, she was shocked to see that the clock had stopped at 12:59.....the exact time of our mom's passing. (Turns out, a mother is always right.)

Some may call it coincidence. I prefer to call it a 'God-wink' -- evidence that our mom, his faithful, joyful servant, is with him now. It was a final, memorable message -- like only moms can do -- to encourage us to live by faith. The faith she believed in and clung to in her most difficult days of cancer was the same faith that was her rock in raising six young children on her own. It was real. It was lived. It was her legacy -- an inheritance passed on to her family worth more than gold.

Live by faith. Three simple words lived to the fullest by one simple, yet remarkable woman: my mom.

Thanks Mom.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, or what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Matthew 6: 25-27 (NIV)

Try What Love Will Do

2010-02-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

It is impossible to come to Philadelphia and not be inspired.

No city has had a stronger influence on the American way of life than historic Philadelphia. It was the birthplace of revolutions, inventions, and ideas that changed the world forever -- born from people who saw what can be rather than what was.

Most know the city's role in America's freedom and constitution, but did you know Philadelphia was also the birthplace of America's first hospital, university, library, bank, volunteer fire department, life insurance company, stock exchange, art museum and art school, mint, municipal water system, and zoo? And Ben Franklin's kite experiment on a windy day in Philadelphia paved the way for us to plug into computers, first invented here in 1946 at the University of Pennsylvania, while snacking on those yummy Girl Scout cookies, first sold commercially on Arch Street in 1934.

How did one city give rise to so many important ideas?

Perhaps due to a simple, yet powerful plan Philadelphia's founding father, William Penn, had for the city. When England's King Charles II gave Penn the land that would one day become this great city, he pressed Penn to take a regiment of soldiers for protection 'against the savages.' But Penn objected stating,

"The Indians have been killed and robbed by the settlers.
Let us now try what love will do."

Penn named his city 'Philadelphia', a Greek word for brotherly love, and set out to live at peace with the native Indians and create a 'great town with no wall to keep them out.' Unlike other colonial cities, the city of brotherly love would not be surrounded by a stockade but rather be a city open and free to flourish from every direction.

Penn's decision not to build physical barriers around the city made a powerful statement to its citizens not to build mental barriers either. He knew that fear, failure, mediocrity, criticism, lack of vision/education, and lack of understanding of native or new cultures could just as easily confine this new city. Instead, he encouraged its citizens to pursue their love of community, invention, education, worship, and freedom to create a better world for us all.

Philadelphia became a powerful influence and inspiration to the rest of the world because it tried what love will do.

Valentine's Day offers us a gentle reminder to follow Penn's wisdom. Perhaps we must realize that the walls we build to cope with the savages of our own lives --bitterness, fear of failure, disappointment, anger, lack of caring -- too often leave us stagnant and confined. To flourish, we must open our minds and our hearts to what can be, rather than what our reality is now. Sometimes, it even requires us to live at peace with 'the enemy,' and in doing so, create a better version of ourselves. In how we treat our relationships, our careers, our community -- perhaps even in how we treat ourselves -- let us now try what love will do.

I am confident, like Penn, you'll discover it's the path to greatness.

Happy Valentine's Day,

Cindy

Have A Ruby Revelation

2010-02-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

One of the best parts of my job is the opportunity to work with so many different organizations, meeting thousands of people. And in my 25 years of doing so, I've stumbled upon what I believe is the essential ingredient that separates those who feel they've found success in work and life, from those still searching for it. I'm naming it 'The Ruby Revelation' -- and I'm convinced we all need to have one.

Mine came to me this past month. I had some extra time on my hands to reflect on my year full of changes and the journey my life has taken. My deep thinking requires music in the background and, as luck would have it, the classic version of 'Over the Rainbow' was on.

Can wisdom really come through a young Judy Garland? Indeed it can.

I got to thinking about the Wizard of Oz and how it's such a great allegory for life. At one time, we all have a bit of Dorothy in us, don't we? We gaze at the sky, hopeful for a happy life, certain it's on the other side of the fence or over the rainbow. So we run away from home as we know it, searching for our heart's desire, until the storms of life toss us around and we find ourselves in a new land. Colorful. Chaotic. Sometimes beautiful and magical. But perhaps also frightening and foreign -- maybe so much so that all we think about is finding our way back home again.

And so our long journey begins to find the one who can grant us our wishes and give us what we're longing for. Like Dorothy, we find and help others along the way: a scarecrow in search of a brain (a husband perhaps?....ooh that was low; sorry guys! lol), a tinman in search of a heart (our community, church or school?), a lion in search of courage (our kids?) Like a true American woman, Dorothy finds a way to make sure everyone elses needs get taken care of first -- even doing the impossible to get 'r done.

And when it comes time for her, she selflessly sacrifices the one shot she has to go home -- because she can't leave without her faithful companion, Toto. Now that's love. (Some of you have been there too.)

All seems lost until the good witch Glinda comes on the scene with some very good news indeed: Dorothy has always had the power to go home.

But why didn't you tell her before? Because she wouldn't have believed it -- she had to learn it for herself, through each and every experience of her journey down the yellow brick road. Only then would she know how to tap the power found in those fabulous ruby slippers.

And there you have it: The Ruby Revelation.

The essential ingredient that separates those who have found success from those still searching, is the realization that it's not up to our spouse, our community, our kids, or even our employer (a.k.a.The Wizard) to grant us our heart's desire. The answer lies within us. Only we have the ability to tap the power that comes from walking in our own shoes -- those valuable life lessons that teach us, refine us, inspire us, change us, and motivate us to find our way to that peaceful place where work and life is good.

So get rid of the flying monkeys on your back, melt away those wicked witches wanting to capture your beauty and your little dog too, and claim your own Ruby Revelation.

Just be sure to do it in a fabulous pair of shoes.

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I'll know not to look any further than my own back yard; because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with." -- Dorothy Gale, Wizard of Oz

Celebrate Victory

2010-01-27T09:07:00.000-08:00

"Who knows what women can be, when they are finally free to be themselves." Betty Friedan spoke those now famous words in her book 'The Feminine Mystique,' widely regarded as one of the most influential books of the 20th century. It is often credited for igniting the contemporary women's movement and laying the foundation for the place women collectively find themselves today: in the power seat.

According to a recent article in The Economist, within the next few months women will cross the 50% threshold and become the majority of the American workforce. We already make up the majority of university graduates in the world's leading developed countries and are the majority of professional workers in several of those countries, including the U.S. And, according to multiple measures, women control 80% of the spending power in the U.S. as well. The economic empowerment of women is one of the most remarkable revolutions of the past 50 years.

So why aren't we celebrating?

Perhaps it's because for many women work represents a neccessity to make ends meet rather than fulfilling their aspirations to be free to be themselves. And maybe our celebration has been dampered upon realizing the joy of victory has brought with it the agony of 'de-feet,' not to mention de-neck, de-spirit, and de-stress of everyday life. (Ok, that was really lame...sorry.)

So does this mean we've swung the pendulum too far -- from fighting for identities separate from 'housewife' and mom to claiming careers that leave us too little time for family or ourselves? And honestly, are we as women really ever satisfied?

No and no.   I know few women (or men for that matter) who would want to step back in time, even if Mrs. Cunningham did make those 'Happy Days' look oh so perfect. As for being satisfied, come on, we're women -- we are ALWAYS looking to improve.

Instead, the celebration lies in continuing to change and refine the work/life balance formula.   It lies in developing new solutions for this new world. It lies in helping to balance the needs of women and men and their employers -- through creative schedules, compensation, contributions, learning and support.

The good news is 'faster change is likely as women exploit their economic power. Many talented women are already hopping off the corporate treadmill to form companies that better meet their needs. In the past decade the number of privately owned companies started by women in America has increased twice as fast as the number owned by men. Women-owned companies employ more people than the largest 500 companies combined.' (The Economist)

The message is clear: companies that want to keep up with this new world economy must rethink their current strategies and structures for attracting and retaining talent to ensure they provide the work/life balance needs so many are demanding.

And that's a victory we all can celebrate -- with a fist-up, bicep-flexed "We Did It!"

(Research supports connecting with others and sharing wisdom does much to support women in balancing work/life commitments. The C Jane meeting series is currently being developed to assist organizations, and the women on their team, do just that.   Contact us to learn more.)

See referenced article

With the Girls

2010-01-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

Leave it to science to prove what we girls have known all along.....getting together with your girlfriends is good for your health. Yup, it's true -- study after study shows it's as beneficial for you as exercise and eating right...but I find girlfriend gatherings so much easier to do. :)

I teach a workshop on moving from 'stressed to zest' and connecting with friends is one of the '12 habits' I recommend for doing so. In fact, it's very close to the top of my list.

I love my husband. I love my kids. But when I'm with my girlfriends, I can just be me. No role to play or lessons to teach or discipline to instill......when I'm with the girls, my spirit goes back to being 18 without a care in the world or schedule to keep. Girlfriends are a magical remedy for all that's wrong in your world....just ask anybody who relies on them as much as I do mine.

A few years back, a handful of women and I started bi-annual girlfriend getaways. We were two groups of friends connected by sisters who thought it would be fun to share a weekend camping trip together. Fifteen years later, it's hard to tell who the real sisters are. We've become one another's good for the soul sistas. :) And I'm confident we'll be gathering for winter ski and summer camp trips for the rest of our lives -- 'cooler dancing' into the grave and smilin' the whole way. And you better believe we'll be buying chotchkies for each other, talkin' in our top secret language that only we can decode, and emailing (now texting and Facebooking) leading up to and after our times together, like we've done so many times before. You know how women are.....and we wouldn't have it any other way.

(If you'd like ideas for your own GirlfriendGatherings, or share in established events, visit GirlfriendGatherings.com, a website I developed to share the enduring friendships of women. It's still evolving so give us your tips on how we can make it a site women can really use....because every woman deserves the joy found in gathering with girlfriends.)

Keep Perspective

2010-01-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to give us a dose of perspective. The earthquake in Haiti is a reminder to us all that what we love and work so hard for, can too easily be gone in an instant. And while few of us are faced with the magnitude of change brought on by a natural disaster such as that, we do experience our own kind of earthquakes -- those experiences that change the landscape of our lives forever.

2009 was such a time for me -- losing an adored mother, a respected mentor, a beloved pet; becoming an empty-nester and being thrust from a country house with a beautiful view into the heart of a city that is hours away from friends, family, and the comforts of home I've come to depend on. Admittedly, there are times my life this year has felt like a bad country song (yup, I even lost my truck) when one day, I actually heard a similar country song in which a man responds to the complaints of a friend by saying 'it sounds like life to me.' Which of course reminded me of my own dear friend who once said: "Best enjoy this life of ours -- we don't get out of it alive." haha....fair enough....lesson learned.

Life is hard sometimes. I have yet to meet a person who gets through it unscathed. And so we may cry through it, scream through it, complain through it -- even hate through it -- bemoaning 'why me?' to God above. Yup, been there too.

But I recently saw some other words of wisdom that gave me a mighty dose of perspective: "How lucky we are to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

I had over 4 decades with a mom who loved each of her six children like they were her only one; a dog who turned me from a non-animal-lover to preaching that everyone's gotta have one; four kids who welcomed me on their fantastic childhood adventures; a mentor who gave me the courage to succeed; a career I love; and a home and friends I can't wait to return to come summer. Lucky indeed.

So "if you're worried and you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep."

Bring it on, life. I'm smilin' through ya. :)

-- Cindy