Have Some Fun

Life is stressful. 

Stress caused by home or work impacts us big time.  Some studies predict 75-90% of visits to healthcare providers are due to stress-related conditions.  A study by Catalyst, an organization dedicated to expanding opportunities for women and business, puts the cost of workplace stress between $50 - $300 billion annually in healthcare and lost productivity. 

Think about it: if we're heavily stressed, we typically make more mistakes, have trouble concentrating, become disorganized, angry or just stop caring.  A Wall Street Journal survey reports that one third of people even considered quitting their jobs because of stress and 14 percent actually did.

In today's world we've got lots to worry about.  Changes in workplace procedures are happening more rapidly than at any other time in history. Add to that the 'information age' moving everything at a faster pace and keeping us connected 24/7.   Technology and a global marketplace have contributed to downsizing and leaner workplaces which brings on stress from uncertainty and added changes for all. 

Those who stay are rewarded with added work hours -- the equivalent of a 13th month every year -- along with new responsibilities and retraining.  Those let go face an uncertain future and all the problems that go with it, while searching for work in one of the worst job markets of our time. 

For women, who by many measures continue to be responsible for the majority of tasks at home, the 5 o'clock whistle offers little relief.  So what's a girl gotta do to restore her sanity?

Girlfriend, have some fun.

That's right.  Women today, perhaps due to their increased education, status in the workplace, power of their own purse -- or just simple stress overload -- are moving beyond 'Calgon, take me away' to creating a full blown industry that caters to all the pampering a woman needs to renew her energy and restore enthusiasm to face yet another Monday morning.  (Although bubble baths still work too.)

Spa retreats, worldwide travel, whitewater rafting or rock climbing, girls' nights out (or in), crafty classes, girlfriend getaways -- you name it, chicks are doing it -- and in the process are learning to love life again. 

My own girlfriends and I just returned from an adventure of our own, where I tried out an 'oxygen bar' and a cocktail of  'liquid oxygen' (plant chlorophyll mixed with water).  We came back refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on our lives again.  (We also noted that Ellicottville, NY, a ski town we've been holding our winter girlfriend gatherings in for over a decade, has responded to the trend with an annual women's weekend event and accommodations that cater to women only travelers.)

Does stress have you in its hold?  Then go have some fun.  Decide what makes you smile, then find some friends who might need to smile too.  Schedule some fun together on your calendar -- for an hour, a weekend or a full vacation trip. 

Having fun with friends is today's version of 'mother's little helper.'  Except this time around, it's more likely to be a little yellow tattoo applied in the company of friends that has you smiling -- and not the little yellow pill the Rolling Stones prescribed.

Live By Faith

Sometime in the summer of 2008 (it all seems such a blur now), I received the difficult news that my mom, the rock of our family, had lung cancer.  It seemed so unfair.  She wasn't a smoker nor did she grow up in a household that was.  So how then does a nagging cough turn into such a diagnosis?

My family was thankful when doctors assured us that surgery would remove it all and chemotherapy would be a preventive measure to reduce the chances of reoccurrence.  But just three months following surgery -- during Christmas week, Mom's favorite time of the year  -- a new scan would reveal a much darker diagnosis: the cancer, thought to be fully removed, had reappeared -- this time in both lungs.  From stage 1 we thought had been remedied, to stage 4 for which there was no cure.  The news pierced our hearts and minds as my siblings and I sobbed in disbelief.  No!  How could this be?  We were devastated, shocked, and numb. 

Yet there sat my mom -- hearing news that would all too soon take her life -- giving comfort and reassurance to her children, with a smile and a promise that 'it'll be okay.'

Such was the way my mother, Sylvia Joy, lived her life.  For all of my growing up years, she was a single mom of six children, the youngest two twins.  We were five girls and one boy loved by a woman whose life philosophy was as simple as her middle name: Joy.  Birthdays, holidays, winter, summer, spring, and fall celebrated with creativity and laughter and all the fanfare a shoe-string budget could afford.

My mom did not have an easy life.  As you can imagine, raising six kids on her own was a challenge all to itself.  Add to that other life experiences that could have -- and perhaps should have -- robbed her of joy.  And now a diagnosis of a cancer that seemed so senseless and unfair, certainly should have sealed the deal.  How can anybody be joyful through cancer?  Mom found a way. 

I admit I often wanted to sit and cry with her and hate on this disease -- unleashing a tirade on somebody or something to get even for what she was going through.  But that was never her desire.  It just wasn't her way.

Many people wondered where her source of joy came from -- and she was always eager to let them know: it was her faith.  Faith in a God that was by her side through every storm of her life.  Faith modeled for her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren -- in hopes they too would live accordingly.  She repeatedly told others that her grandson Gabe reminded her of Matthew 6 scripture that said: 'who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life' -- and she clung to those words throughout her battle with terminal cancer -- often saying, "God knows the exact length of my time on earth -- and I'm not going to add or subtract one minute to his timing by worrying about it." 

That was Mom.  She chose joy over worry.  She refused to think about death and instead made the most of each day she had to live.  And she put her faith in a God she knew would take care of her. 

When she passed, wonderfully surrounded by family, prayers, and singing of hymns, we did the usual searching for what we wanted her to wear in the casket that truly represented her best. For many years she wore a watch pendant necklace. She always had that thing on.  But a few months before she died, the battery gave out on it and she didn't get a chance to replace it.  So my sister searched her jewelry drawer so we could include it with what she would wear for the funeral. 

When she found it, she was shocked to see that the clock had stopped at 12:59.....the exact time of our mom's passing. (Turns out, a mother is always right.)

Some may call it coincidence.  I prefer to call it a 'God-wink' -- evidence that our mom, his faithful, joyful servant, is with him now. It was a final, memorable message -- like only moms can do -- to encourage us to live by faith. The faith she believed in and clung to in her most difficult days of cancer was the same faith that was her rock in raising six young children on her own. It was real.  It was lived.  It was her legacy -- an inheritance passed on to her family worth more than gold.

Live by faith.  Three simple words lived to the fullest by one simple, yet remarkable woman:  my mom. 

Thanks Mom.

"Therefore I tell  you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, or what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Matthew 6: 25-27 (NIV)

What Love Will Do

It is impossible to come to Philadelphia and not be inspired.

No city has had a stronger influence on the American way of life than historic Philadelphia.  It was the birthplace of revolutions, inventions, and ideas that changed the world forever -- born from people who saw what can be rather than what was.

Most know the city's role in America's freedom and constitution, but did you know Philadelphia was also the birthplace of America's first hospital, university, library, bank, volunteer fire department, life insurance company, stock exchange, art museum and art school, mint, municipal water system, and zoo?  And Ben Franklin's kite experiment on a windy day in Philadelphia paved the way for us to plug into computers, first invented here in 1946 at the University of Pennsylvania, while snacking on those yummy Girl Scout cookies, first sold commercially on Arch Street in 1934.

How did one city give rise to so many important ideas? 

Perhaps due to a simple, yet powerful plan Philadelphia's founding father, William Penn, had for the city.  When England's King Charles II gave Penn the land that would one day become this great city, he pressed Penn to take a regiment of soldiers for protection 'against the savages.'  But Penn objected stating,

"The Indians have been killed and robbed by the settlers.
Let us now try what love will do."

Penn named his city 'Philadelphia', a Greek word for brotherly love, and set out to live at peace with the native Indians and create a 'great town with no wall to keep them out.'  Unlike other colonial cities, the City of Brotherly Love would not be surrounded by a stockade but rather be a city open and free to flourish from every direction. 

Penn's decision not to build physical barriers around the city made a powerful statement to its citizens not to build mental barriers either.  He knew that fear, failure, mediocrity, criticism, lack of vision/education, and lack of understanding of native or new cultures could just as easily confine this new city.  Instead, he encouraged its citizens to pursue their love of community, invention, education, worship, and freedom to create a better world for us all. 

Philadelphia became a powerful influence and inspiration to the rest of the world because it tried what love will do.

Valentine's Day offers us a gentle reminder to follow Penn's wisdom.  Perhaps we must realize that the walls we build to cope with the savages of our own lives --bitterness, fear of failure, disappointment, anger, lack of caring -- too often leave us stagnant and confined.  To flourish, we must open our minds and our hearts to what can be, rather than what our reality may be now.  Sometimes, it even requires us to live at peace with 'the enemy,' and in doing so, create a better version of ourselves.  In how we treat our relationships, our careers, our community -- perhaps even in how we treat ourselves  -- let us now try what love will do.

I am confident, like Penn, you'll discover it's the path to greatness.

Happy Valentine's Day,

Cindy

Have A Ruby Revelation

One of the best parts of my job is the opportunity to work with so many different organizations, meeting thousands of people.  And in my 25 years of doing so, I've stumbled upon what I believe is the essential ingredient that separates those who feel they've found success in work and life, from those still searching for it.  I'm naming it 'The Ruby Revelation' -- and I'm convinced we all need to have one.

Mine came to me this past month.  I had some extra time on my hands to reflect on my year full of changes and the journey my life has taken.  My deep thinking requires music in the background and, as luck would have it, the classic version of 'Over the Rainbow' was on. 

Can wisdom really come through a young Judy Garland?  Indeed it can. 

I got to thinking about the Wizard of Oz and how it's such a great allegory for life.  At one time we all have a bit of Dorothy in us, don't we?  We gaze at the sky, hopeful for a happy life, certain it's on the other side of the fence or over the rainbow.  So we run away from home as we know it, searching for our heart's desire, until the storms of life toss us around and we find ourselves in a new land.  Colorful.  Chaotic.  Sometimes beautiful and magical.  But perhaps also frightening and foreign -- maybe so much so that all we think about is finding our way back home again. 

And so our long journey begins to find the one who can grant us our wishes and give us what we're longing for.  Like Dorothy, we find and help others along the way: a scarecrow in search of a brain (a spouse going through college or career growth?), a tinman in search of a heart (our community, church or school?), a lion in search of courage (our kids?)  Like a true American woman, Dorothy finds a way to make sure everyone elses needs get taken care of first -- even doing the impossible to get 'r done. 

And when it comes time for her, she selflessly sacrifices the one shot she has to go home because she can't leave without her faithful companion, Toto. Now that's love.  (Some of you have been there too.) 

All seems lost until the good witch Glinda comes on the scene with some very good news indeed:  Dorothy has always had the power to go home.

But why didn't you tell her before?   Because she wouldn't have believed it -- she had to learn it for herself, through each and every experience of her journey down the yellow brick road.  Only then would she know how to tap the power found in those fabulous ruby slippers. 

And there you have it: The Ruby Revelation. 

The essential ingredient that separates those who have found success from those still searching, is the realization that it's not up to our spouse, our community, our kids, or even our employer (a.k.a.The Wizard) to grant us our heart's desire.  The answer lies within us.  Only we have the ability to tap the power that comes from walking in our own shoes -- those valuable life lessons that teach us, refine us, inspire us, change and motivate us to find our way to that peaceful place where work and life is good.   

So get rid of the flying monkeys on your back, melt away those wicked witches wanting to capture your beauty and your little dog too, and claim your own Ruby Revelation.

Just be sure to do it in a fabulous pair of shoes.

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I'll know not to look any further than my own back yard;  because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with." -- Dorothy Gale, Wizard of Oz